Livingtreasure

It’s Wednesday today yet I am here in my favorite space in Dubai…my bed.  I am on a sick leave today and just arrived after my check up in Belhoul European Hospital.  Our receptionist called me coz a lot of my colleagues were asking what happened to me.  I just laughed.  Well, this is my first sick leave, no wonder if they’re asking.  And I am not hoping for another sick leave of course.  I won’t mind working during working days.  What is important is my health.

But why am I unwell today? Hmmmm… I don’t think I need to tell everything but am just feeling a little discomfort in my stomach, like some problem in my bowel movement.  Ok that’s it…  No need to elaborate. Period.  Why?  Because this is not my main topic that I wanted to share.  And before I proceed, I knew I am well now.  No need to worry about me.  The doctor already gave me some medicines to take.

For the past 2 days, I’ve been feeling this discomfort and I feel like I’m getting thinner because I am avoiding to eat lots of food (which I usually do) and just drink milk to make the bowel movement easier.  My body by the way is like a rubber band or a balloon.  I never experience being fat since before.  And I can easily lose weight or reduce my waistline in a matter of 24 hours.  My face may look chubby today and tomorrow the cheekbone may appear.  My body changes on a daily basis depending on my food intake, sleep, milk and my own exercise.  And yesterday I feel like my body really dropped.  Aside from little food intake, my mind is making me sick.  My thoughts flew far away even if I’m in the office.

I was thinking about cancer.  I am afraid of it… and also not afraid of it but felt sad for my husband and my family if it happens.  I was thinking of how many days, months or years would be left for me to enjoy.  I was thinking about what activities to do in my remaining life.  Then I think I am just getting negative or just maybe exploring the possibilities and preparing myself or I am just damn scared of seeing a doctor.  Then I think God won’t give me that kind of disease coz I knew I have a mission to accomplish.  I knew He loves me so much!  And I knew a lot of people depend on me.  I cannot be sick.  And it will surely rock their world if I have a Cancer (knock on wood).  And besides, I strongly believe that God is my ultimate healer, so I need not fear!  These thoughts tortured my mind.  I send SMS to my family and including my husband and asking them to help pray for my healing.  And maybe some of my housemates are even annoyed of my kind of thinking.  But thanks to Ate Barbie for convincing me to go to the doctor for a check up.  She’s like my mother here in Dubai.  But my God!  What have I done?  I am making all of them so nervous!

To end my story coz I am already sleepy and need to catch some sleep, I just find it so amazing when I read the scripture for the day and I feel it’s worth sharing to you.  It’s like a reading that’s really for me.

Psalm of the day:

Psalm 23:  The Lord, Shepherd and Host

The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack.

In green pastures You let me graze,

To safe waters You lead me, You restore my strength.

You guide me along a right path for the sake of Your name.

Even when I walk through a dark valley, I fear no harm for You are at my side,

Your rod and staff give me courage.

You set a table before me as my enemies watch

You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.

Only goodness and love will pursue me all the days of my life,

I will dwell in the house of the Lord for years to come.

Gospel of the day:

Luke 17:11-19:  The Cleansing of Ten Lepers

As Jesus continued his journey to Jerusalem, he traveled through Samaria and Galilee.  As He was entering a village, ten lepers met him.  They stood at a distance from Him and raised their voice, saying, Jesus, Master!  Have pity on us!  And when He saw them, he said, Go show yourselves to the priests.  As they were going they were cleansed.  And one of them, realizing he had been healed, returned, glorifying God in a loud voice and he fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked Him.  He was a Samaritan.  Jesus said in reply, Ten were cleansed, were they not?  Where are the other nine?  Has none but this foreigner returned to give thanks to God?  Then he said to him, Stand up and go, your faith has saved you.

Isn’t it wonderful and amazing?  How God speaks to us through His word!  Now, I declare by faith that I am healed and that the medicines and the doctor is just God’s way of healing me.  And I praise and thank Him for the healing!  And what makes it more amazing is when I am about to end my topic; the song played “God will make a way when there seems to be no way”.  I’ve been listening to my music for like 2 hours now and just in time it played.  It’s amazing!  God works in ways we cannot see and He will always make a way.  Amazing indeed!

“It must have been love but it’s over now…

It must have been good but I lost it somehow…”

Few lines from one of my favorite choices in videoke songs’ list.  Such a beautiful song but with sad lyrics.  How can love end?  Why some love doesn’t have a happy ending?  Why happily-ever-after is just good for fairy tales?  Maybe for some yes! Some relationships don’t end and the story flows with the way lovers want it to be.  But why beautiful love stories are not for all?  Why some real love needs to end?  Why is it that some people are not just as lucky as other people when it comes to love?  The sad thing is when you start to feel that love is real…all of a sudden you learn it cannot stand the pressure and the circumstances.  And even if you both wanted to hold on to it, you feel like there’s no other choice but to let go… sacrifice… and just cry?  What a lonely story it would be!  The feeling used to be so good and right.  The love felt seem to be so perfect and endless.  But why?

Here I am again, talking about love.  Love is just so complicated…especially to those who are troubled, broken and hurt.  I am not talking of my present feeling and experience but in behalf of my broken-hearted friend.

I even ask myself why it had to happen to her again?  Why she needs to be hurt again?  Why love seems so elusive to her?  For someone as nice, responsible, kind and loving as her, I have no words of comfort for her coz I don’t really know exactly what’s going on with her heart and mind right now.  She’s been hurt a lot of times.    But despite the unfortunate experiences, she is still hopeful and never gets tired of loving.  She never runs out of love.  She always has a heart to love.  She is somebody who has a lot to offer to someone who knocks on her heart.  But all I can do is sympathize with her feelings right now coz I know how badly it hurts her.  I’m lost for comforting words.  I can just pray for her that she’ll be able to heal her freshly broken heart…  I can just hope that after this, she can manage to give her heart some space to breathe and be still for some time.  For I know, her heart needs some rest.

Sometimes we say if you love someone, you have to fight for it.  But what if fighting means 2 years…3 years…or could be more?  And in the end, reality speaks to you that the love you’ve been fighting is not the love that’s meant for you.  

In the midst of my friend’s situation now, I still appreciate the positive side of it.  Though I can’t imagine the wound that this love has brought to her.  At least as early as now, they both see the reality of their situation before they get so deeply involved with one another…  That even if they fight for this love…they still won’t end up with each other.  The scar will always be there but at least she tried to be unselfish and she gave her heart and this relationship a chance.  I know there is that one special man for her who deserves her and who will make her the happiest woman… in God’s perfect time. 

There’s no need to rush.  No need to be pressured.  Right now, she just need to mend and heal her broken heart.

Forty-nine days to go and its Christmas day!  And sadly, this is my first Christmas away from home, huhuhuhu…  I have booked a December 18 flight last September and had it cancelled when my husband said he couldn’t possibly get an approval for his vacation in December.  He might be allowed in January only.  Given this situation, I opted to cancel my flight and rescheduled it on December 29 because I want to match my vacation with his schedule so we can spend more time together… then only to find out last week that he might be allowed for an early vacation and spend his Christmas in the Philippines (inshallah).  Though not that sure yet but the probability of his early vacation is high.  When I tried to change my flight schedule, the only available date is December 29 only and I have no choice.  Well at least I can still spend the New Year’s Eve with my family and my husband.  I have to look and appreciate the positive side in every scenario.  I should still be thankful! Not that bad!

I am so excited with my upcoming vacation.  This is the longest time that I’ve been away from home and time slips away too fast just like the sand slipping through the palm of your hand.  I can’t believe I am almost a year here and it still feels like yesterday.  I have lots of plans in this vacation… Lots and lots of it…  There’s a long list of my things to do.  Hopefully, with God’s grace I’ll be able to do it all.  Travel plans with my hubby, reunion with closest friends, bonding with my family, and other personal and business endeavors.  I just can’t wait to make it all happen (puhon with God’s help)!  Yes!  I’m Coming Home!

I’m suppose to load this blog in my site yesterday - October 28 so the blog will exactly fall on our 2^nd wedding anniversary – the cotton anniversary.  But I was just so busy and lost in thought by the simple things that made me happy on that day.  A friend asked me why I still celebrate this day with the fact that my husband is away.  And so I just told her the corny answer.  He is not away and he is with me… of course in my heart.  I have him in my heart.

Others might not be able to stand our situation.  We are miles away because of the nature of his job.  And being so independent helped me a lot.  I am used to this situation.  I have never felt too much homesickness or loneliness for being physically away.  Of course we dreamed of being together all the time.  It’s not just the time for that.  But filled with hope, we knew that day would come with the help of God’s grace.

Yesterday, we turned Year 2 of our marriage life.  I would have wished for a special celebration with my hubby but he is in Amsterdam and I’m in Dubai so we just threw a treat to our closest friends around with us.  Just an ordinary dinner yet a very important and special dinner for me.  While having our dinner inside our cozy room, we also watched Iisa Pa Lamang.  My husband is a very practical and simple man and I don’t really expect anything from him because of our distance though I know he used to exert some effort on special occasions even if he is away.  I remember him sending me bunch of chocolates through his mate while he is in the middle of the ocean.  I remember his bouquet of flowers and giant Pooh.  His teddy bear, his 1-long-stemmed rose on a valentine’s day delivered thru LBC, his love letters and more…  Simple things just made me extremely happy.

And on our 2^nd wedding anniversary, I received a bouquet of red and white roses from him arranged thru my housemate (thanks Ate Barbie) while he is in Amsterdam.  Things like this just make me happier.  And thanks Grace B. for preparing the food and everything for me while I am still in the office.  Thanks too to Grace C, Arnie and Jerry for spending your dinner with me and for the prayers and wishes and thanks housemates Ate Barbie, Grace, Didith, Ben & Judy for the pink teddy bear.  Thanks to my family and to Maam Florence who never forget to greet me.  I appreciate the thoughtfulness of everybody who made this day beautiful.  Of course, thank God for another blessing.

Of course, thanks love for knowing how to make me feel happy!  Thanks for making me feel special and loved!  Thanks for your constant care!  I hope and pray that even if we are not physically together now, we will always live and cling to what we have promised to each other in the altar way back October 28, 2006.  Let’s keep the fire of love burning.  I love you.

Summer is over, at last!  I am looking forward for a wonderful wintertime in Dubai.  I see fogs and sandstorm more often now especially early in the morning and they said it’s a sign of the coming change in weather.  Bye summer and hello winter!  Could it be my 1^st time to see real snow?  Winter is coming!  There should be snow!  But nope… Not in Dubai.  But there’s still snow, artificial snow.  Go to Mall of Emirates and you’ll get a taste of snow there.  Yes, I did get the chance to experience how it’s like inside Ski Dubai.  It’s just an artificial snow but I cannot stand staying there for 2 hours.  My hands are getting numb and I’ve got the taste too of frostbite. Nevertheless, it was a wonderful time spent together with my housemates.

It’s past mid-October and I just have 2 blog entries for this month.   As of this hour I’m writing this 3rd October blog.  Shame.  Does it mean I am too busy?  Just Lazy?  Or no topic to discuss at all?

Well, 7 topics are in queue to be written but have never started doing even a single blog.  Not even a single topic until I decided to jump off my bed, sit, and whala!  My fingers are now starting to type something in my almost 24-hours-on-laptop every weekend.  I am just very busy…Busy packing and listing stuffs for pasalubong on my coming vacation this December (puhon).  I’ve been very busy lately - shopping on weekends and packing on my own into the Jumbo size package box.  I am really excited.  Excited to see and spend time with my family and friends and of course hug and kiss my adorable niece Denise and my smart nephew Lance.  Excited for a fun-packed vacation traveling with my loved ones.  Excited because in less than 3 months from now, I will set again a new plan for next year and the coming years.  Excited because I’m going to see my hubby and we’ll formulate and update again our plans for the future. 

While thinking about my upcoming vacation, I realized how time flies.  I suddenly caught myself into a deep musing. 

Before I left Philippines, I told my husband to allow me to visit and work in Dubai for at least 1 year while he’s away.  I’ve been planning to work here in Dubai and the idea started some time in 2002 when I was still in Cagayan de Oro.  But I didn’t entertain it seriously coz my ex-BF who is my husband now is not really into that idea.  Being a seafarer, he knows the sacrifices of an OFW.  But not until February this year when the plan materialized after years of discernment and prayer for a clearer decision.  It was a very tough decision.  I didn’t know what to expect.  One thing I knew is the decision is very clear to me.  It’s like God is whispering me to wander in this land.  But it’s not really wandering.  I’m here for some purpose - I know.   And I already discovered some.  And other purposes are yet to be known.  Since I came here, I’ve been overwhelmed by God’s goodness to me.  It’s like I am still in shock.  Things are happening more than what I want it to be.  It was just like a dream coming to reality.  Blessings are poured one after the other and miracles unfolded before my eye each and everyday.  All these things kept me awake most of the time especially during weekends when I have no work and have more time for reflection.  For all that I’ve been through in life, for all the sacrifices, hurts and pains, for all the misconception about me and for all the struggles that I silently bore for years.  For the times that I am misunderstood by people dear and close to me where only God can understand – God is telling me now, enough for those times.  And I am forever grateful for this wonderful blessing.

Plans in my mind are flowing just as how my tears flow for an unexplainable gratefulness that I don’t even know how to contain it.  My heart is so glad and so excited to fulfill all these plans with the grace of God.  God is clearly revealing to me His faithfulness.  He has been and will always be my shepherd and my stronghold.  He never puts me down.  He always lifts me up and He always fills my heart with His presence.  I am not holy.  I don’t even call myself a religious person or worthy.  All I know is I am a believer of Christ with a Faith the size of a mustard seed.  And God didn’t fail me.  He is true to His words and His promises.  He just keeps on revealing to me His Presence and the joy of knowing Him by heart.  He just keeps on loving me unconditionally.  He just keeps on holding me.  He is and will always be my God at my side today and for the rest of the days of my life.  For all these, I just want to give thanks and praise Him and will never get tired of proclaiming His love and goodness.  Because of what He has been to me, I will not fear, I will not worry and I need not be anxious because He will take charge on all the things that concerns me and my loved ones.  There is nothing that God and I cannot handle together.

This morning, I decided to be more quiet inside the house.  I decided to keep my mouth shut all the time, as possible as I can.  I just want to listen and listen and listen with zero comment.  I knew it would be impossible but I challenged myself.  Let me see if I can do it.  While typing this blog, I’ve been quiet already for a couple of hours.  Not sure if I can call it already a success to my promise of staying quiet.

Why?  And what made me decide this?  It’s not so Laila if I do it.  Well, I’m just trying not to comment on anything I’ll hear especially when my housemates talk about their love life.  I have made a final decision to just discuss about Iisa Pa Lamang, hehehe with my other “liki” housemate.  Sharing ideas and opinion on varied situation and scenario could be interesting but I know sometimes it may not sound good to them especially that we have different views and standards when it comes to matters of the heart.  Of course, I can always understand their situation and how they feel but when I hear something which sounds not so good to me and which sounds so stupid, I cannot help but comment.  And I know I cannot argue because we have different views and opinions.  It’s their heart, it’s their decision, and it’s not me who will face the consequences. All I want is to just open their minds on what might happen and what might not because oftentimes, love blinds the lovers.  And I know I may sound “KONTRABIDA”.  Well, I am just concerned for my friends and I just want them to be happy and feel loved.

Since day 1 when I started working back in 1998, I am already used to a very busy life.  Sleepless nights and overtime is a very ordinary daily routine.  And since then I get bored when I am not busy.  I always long for a pressured work and demanding schedule when I think I am handling a lousy task.  Well, that’s during my younger years.  Not now that I’ll be turning 31 next year.  Things really change.  Now, I just want a simple job - less pressure, manageable, enriching, rewarding, not boring yet challenging.  In short, I just want to be happy and enjoy my life and manage my time and take care of my health and body.  And yes!  This is the kind of work that I enjoyed now.

But I hate my laptop.  It contradicts what I want for my health and body. It made me awake ‘til midnight.  It made me unconscious of the hours I spend in front of this rectangle object, browsing, chatting, and exploring endlessly in the Internet eventually abusing my eyes.  Now my eyes get so tired and weary – proof of lack of sleep.  From now on, I will set a schedule for using my laptop.  I need to recover lots of sleep and beauty rest.  My comfortable job schedule would be useless if I am not giving my eyes a break.

Last week, we received an email from New York from MasterCard’s global head – Bob Sealander.  He wrote about the recent MasterCard Accolades.  And I share with him the same pride in the broad recognition of MasterCard.

1.    Working Mother Magazine in its October 2008 issue has named MasterCard to its 2008 “100 Best Companies” list.  It recognizes the Company’s strong compensation and benefits program, as well as initiatives that support flexibility in the workplace;

2.    For second consecutive year, the Human Rights Campaign has recognized MasterCard as one of the best places to work for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality;

3.    A September advertorial in The New York Times highlighted many of the company’s new diversity and inclusion initiatives and The Financial Times also focused on MasterCard’s cultural transformation in a June article and named the company among the top 100 Global Brands;

4.    MasterCard was also recognized by Fortune as one of Most Admired Companies and ranked 548 in the Fortune 1000.

There are much other recognition given to MasterCard - my present employer and I am just glad to be part of this wonderful company.  Our workplace promotes diversity and inclusion and is very responsive to the needs of employees.  All the people I worked with here are so nice making you feel comfortable and happy with your job.  It’s a place with no politics.  A workplace of great leaders, yet with very humble dispositions. 

Now that I have already passed the 6 months probation, I just feel so blessed and proud of this humbling opportunity given to me.  MasterCard is like my home away from home - my adopted family in an Arab land.  It’s like a place that God carefully prepared and well laid for me.  I am just blessed – so blessed.

I always wanted even before to write something that will call the attention of Filipinos especially those who have the chance to mingle with other nationalities.  But I thought it’s OA and worthless or could be just a futile attempt.  But not now.  I feel an urge to write this blog coz maybe you may have the chance to read it and tell others.  Our little act of concern for our name “Filipino” maybe a great help to restore our dignity and save us from the shame those other nationalities may think about us.

Yes, thanks to Charice, Manny Pacquiao and many other Filipinos who made us somehow proud!  Thanks for the honor they brought to our country!  But in reality, the honor that they gave is not even enough to cover the negative impression that other nationalities think about us especially to Filipino women.  Sad but true… and unfair for those who are trying to lead a good and clean life.

Why I am saying this?  When I’m still in the Philippines, I worked with a Japanese company and I have learned that in Japan, Filipino women are all the same in the eyes of Japanese.  They have a very low regard on us.  Well, it could be true coz we have a lot of Kababayan working as entertainers or known as Japayuki.  But I will not argue on that thing since I have nothing against these women working in Japan.  I know they have their own stories to tell and we cannot judge them.  When I heard this, I wanted to react but just remained quiet. I am still positive that not really all Japanese see us that way. 

But when I came here in Dubai, the reality is so painful.  I have seen married people engaging in relationships with their opposite sex without fear and without even thinking of the family they left in our country.  I have seen single women who jump into an affair with a married man or a foreigner just to provide for their material needs.  There are Filipinos too cheating their fellowmen just to earn money.  And even in an Arab land, still there are those women na talaga namang PASAWAY..  Nakakahiya..  No wonder why there are Indian women who hate Filipinas because for them Filipinas are generally flirt who became the mistress of their husband - the home wrecker.  There are so many undisciplined Filipinos here, mga pasaway kung baga!!!  Mga abusado, astig-astigan… I won’t even enumerate the negative things about Filipinos here, and I cannot blame if other nationalities also look at us lowly.

Hindi naman lahat bad, madami din namang good.  But sad to say, natatabunan ng bad ang good – which also becomes permanent sa mind ng ibang tao.  Our Filipino priests are tirelessly reminding all Filipinos to refrain from dwelling in the dark side and I just hope too that someday, slowly and little by little, we can change the impression they had on us.  Let’s be careful of our actions and hope we all learn to fear God because if you have fear in your heart, you will never do anything that is not pleasing to Him.

Let’s save some dignity as Filipinos if not for ourselves.  We may not be able to change what others may think about us.  But at least we can also prove to them that they are wrong.  That there are also a lot of Filipina out there who still has values that we can truly be proud of.  That Filipinos are talented and can compete with other people around the globe… That when we talk about hard work, sacrifice, determination and faith in God - I think nobody comes close to Filipinos.  Please… let’s change our image and each of our contribution will make a DIFFERENCE.